December 2008
32 posts
home for the holidays
No I’m not but thanks to the nifty creation of myspace and facebook (http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=132501976&ref=profile), I can continue to keep a keen eye on those who stayed on the islands and do you want to know what I noticed?
People either:
Gained weight
Got married
Had kids
Are still trying to relive their high school glory day
These things keep my spirits...
rules and standards
Everyone knows that I am quite the catch. I’m funny, smart, GREAT looking and even a fantastic dancer. Whats not to like? That is why when it comes to dating, I have standards. Hopefully the universe will help me find that special someone.
One day I’m going to find someone who:
Likes burps
Doesn’t mind starting the morning to the sounds of me hacking phlegm
Doesn’t mind...
Back to 100%
Atleast breathing wise. Soon enough, I will not only be 100% all around, but I will start being and feeling sexy again. Cause santa, that’s all I want for Chrismas.
Daily Squabble
Me: How do I look today?
Lily: You look fine.
Me: Yeah but do I look fuckable?
Lily: I’m not gonna answer that.
Me: Do I look fuckable?
Lily: No, I’m not gonna answer that. Let’s go the bus is coming.
Me: FIrst tell me if I look fuckable cause if I don’t I’m gonna go upstairs and change.
Lily: Let’s go!
Me: Do I LOOK FUCKABLE?
Lily: Yes, you look...
don't you hate it when...
you walk into what seems to be someone’s lingering fart? me too.
Letters from a secret admirer
Dear You,
Its me. I know you don’t know this but I have this ridiculous crush on you and we can both agree I shouldn’t. A friend of mines once told me (maybe not once but on several occasions told me) that I have control issues and I’m finally coming to terms with that fact. Thus making this ridiculous crush an issue. I can’t control it and I would very much like for it to...
We are not STARBUCKS!
Tall means small. Its bad enough you don’t have the courtesy to realize that you are infact not in a starbucks but a seattle’s best cafe, but are you really gonna stand there with your smug smile and tell me I’m wrong and that I got the sizes wrong?!? I don’t understand! I DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND!! I honestly hope that you don’t go to burger king and ask for a...
Tired of Work
I understand you do not want a borders rewards card, but are you seriously gonna stand there and expect me to stamp your free drink stamp or honor that buy one medium or large drink and get a second medium or large drink or pastry of equal or lesser value coupon? JUST GET THE GOD DAMN BORDERS REWARDS CARD!
M.
One night in the Castro. Too bad you can’t hear the audio, its priceless.
i'm just gonna eat one
and one box of Mauna Loa Chocolate Covered Macadamia Nuts later, I don’t feel guilty at all.
M.
end of the year resolution
In an attempt to make myself even more zexy, i have come up with a list for my end of the year resolution. What is a end of the year resolution? Well I’m glad I asked myself that question. An end of the year resolution is basically where I think up a list of useless and/or unsexy habits, hobbies or talents in an attempt to make me less useless and more sexy. Genius you say? I agree. Two...
did you ever put eggs in there and pretend you were chickens?
– Zexy Rexy
boneless chicken, as opposed to what?
– my mom
being as into myself as i am, i would fast forward to 3:15.
Toilet Parties!
Dear Toilet at Work,
I don’t appreciate the fact that you think I’m done when I really am not. Please stop automatically flushing on me. I am very aware you do it because when I lean for toilet paper your sensors go off but I can’t help it. I don’t sit. I am a hover-er. That is just the way I was raised. It is more sanitary that way. It just upsets me because I don’t...
me and rex during the summer.
friendly suggestions
Dear Holiday Shoppers,
I appreciate the fact that you continue to support my job by coming to the mall and shopping. Especially in our time of economic crisis, you rich bastards, but i was wondering if you could just do a few things for me next time you feel like you want to splurge a ridiculous amount of cash.
Please walk faster or atleast in a straight line. Most of the time I’m late for...
nice arrows. so are they pointing to the pits or the tits?
– yours truly
turkey breast anyone?
sober times on the day of thanks